Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
