i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
