Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I deserve this hangover.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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