i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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