My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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