my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
