On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
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