Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
