i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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