the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
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