everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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