In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize