I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
