Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Btw I puked in your glovebox
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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