Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
