Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize