walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I AM VODKA MAN
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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