Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
