My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You are a booty call, not a friend.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize