I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
this beer tastes like vomit already
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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