i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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