I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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