u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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