sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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