When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
