i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
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