the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Randomize
