I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
