We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You're a waste of cheezeits
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
