you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
meet me or not, i'm out of control
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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