Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
