i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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