woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
