I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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