it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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