So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
