he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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