Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize