ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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