I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
