Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
dude i'm inner monologue high
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
