Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
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