I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
