I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
