Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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