How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
