I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
