please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
