can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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