I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
