Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
