I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
