put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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