Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
