I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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