Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
operation have a gay friend backfired
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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