I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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