and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
