My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
