I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
