Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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