Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
We don't watch enough power rangers
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
