I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
