Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
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