I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
