Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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