I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
organizing the empties. That sober.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
