you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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