I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Randomize
