Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
