My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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