nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
